365 Days of Marriage!

7 days ago, Keith and I celebrated are 1st anniversary of marriage. The days leading up to our day, I didn't find myself relishing in the memories of that day. In fact, some of the details I had forgotten. For example, my co-workers were giggling and shocked to know I could not immediately recall the song we danced to on our "first dance." I now recall of course that it was a Boyz II Men song, For The Rest of My Life. 

I thought I would be struck with grand revelations about what the past year taught me. I found it odd that I hadn't immediately came up with a list of witty anecdotes to write down to share with others. (Sidebar: if you're looking for a list, check out a previous post I wrote). Nope, none of that happened. Then I panicked. Did that mean I hadn't learned a thing in the last year? Absolutely not. 

It wasn't until the day of our anniversary, May 17, that I began to reflect and really breathe in that moment and the 364 days following it. Perhaps it was the fact that our day trip to Cincinnati turned out to be a bust. Everything we planned to do was a wash. The Jazz/Wine/Art Festival turned out to be the size of our duplex with the rain drowning out the jazz acts and ONE wine vendor to count (yes, 1!). We missed the Riverboat cruise and the carriage ride was a charge of what might as well have been a million dollars for 15 minutes. Through all of that, neither of us was annoyed or irritated. For trips, I normally like to plan and prepare and find myself impatient when the plan isn't followed. But there were no complaints from me and even the rain and clouds at the beginning of the trip didn't seem like such a downer.


Us by the Ohio River.

We ended up spending hours in IKEA, taking pictures, getting ideas and making plans. Plans for our new home that we'll hopefully move into within 60 days (hopefully, sooner!). We followed that up by a drive to Pappadeux. To our heart's delight, the 65 minute wait was broken up by a live jazz band that was awesome. The food and drinks were great and we shared desert that was almost as sweet as our wedding cake! 


Before the hour+ wait! lol.


Jazz band at Pappadeaux doing their thing!


Sweet Potato Pecan Pie! nom nom nom!

The day was spectacular because of who I was with, not necessarily what I did. We could drive Cincinnati any day of the week. But on that day I was with my husband--the man I'd joined my life with in love and commitment in front of 150 of the greatest people I know. Reflecting on that day away from the business of life was peaceful. We laughed at our plans going awry; when something else didn't pan out, we just laughed harder. We took loads of selfies like teenagers, kissed in public like lovers and just enjoyed the nostalgia of doing it all over again. And for the record, yes, I would do it all over again :-)

I often hear people say, "marriage changes people." I may have actually agreed with this during my singledom. But, now I'd have to disagree. Marriage doesn't change the root of a person. Their activities, schedules and priorities may change. Time spent with the girls may lessen, sure. B-ball sessions with the fellas may shrink I'm sure. But the root of who they are does not. If anything marriage puts a microscope to that person...flaws and all. I remember how terrified I was for Keith to find out how messy I was (slightly messy). I mean, I was terrified. I had this idea in my mind about the idea in his mind of how neat and clean a wife should be. And I knew for sure that I would not live up to his standard. So one night I simply told him. And he laughed out loud before asking why I told him that. After explaining my made up theory, he shrugged it off. Imagine my relief! He loved me and my flaw! Another confirmation I needed to marry him!

Lastly, in love I've found freedom. I've learned it is perfectly ok to be myself. It is ok to prefer flats to heels, sweats to slacks, a bare face than a made up face. It is ok with him because it is ok with me. Him allowing me to have autonomy on my expression of myself makes me confident in life. That's a freedom I didn't know I needed! 

Others may say that you can only find freedom in love through God. There was also a time that I wholeheartedly agreed with this statement. And to some extent I still believe this to be true--just not an absolute truth. See, I believe God shows himself through people. Marriage is a union designed by God so there's no surprise that the spirit of freedom (among other faces of God) would be etched in it! It is a freedom that praises me while also challenging me. A freedom that builds me up and never tears me down. To all you singles wanting to be married, wait for this. Hold out for it. Be realistic, but never compromise. It's there! And it is real and tangible! 

Marriage is still God's perfect gift of grace to me. Happy Anniversary my love! 

The Necessity of Solitude

Last Thursday, after picking up my daughter, I took her to spend some long-awaited time with my mom--just the two of them. My mom would drop Trinity off later that evening. My husband was at work. That arrangement meant that I would have the pleasure of spending time alone.

I was able to cook dinner, wash two loads of clothes, pray for an extended amount of time and talk to my friend on the phone for more than an hour. All without the tapping on the thigh, high pitched screams, the sudden sound of something dropping and/or breaking, call waiting from husband or an incessantly repeated question from the kids which I previously answered the first five times. 

My husband often declares, "I need my alone time," to which I almost always take offense. Such a comment is normally followed by one or both of the following questions:

"Are we not good enough?"
"Why do you want to spend time away from us?"

But, now, I get it. Those two or so hours was refreshing--rejuvenating. No interruptions. Time by myself to do me. To do whatever I wanted to do on my own time--how fast or slow I chose to do it. Growing up, I was very much an introvert. Perhaps, I learned to keep to myself because I was the only girl growing up between three boys. I found solace in books and writing; places where I could delve into the past through history; or imagination through fiction...I would get lost for hours. Now, it is hard for me to finish a book--a fact that I am sad to admit. I am drained from work, commuting 25+ minutes, mother and wife "duties," that I am not quite sure anymore what I like to do in my spare time...I DON'T GET ANY! 

Those few hours taught me the necessity of solitude. It is rejuvenating, cleansing and pertinent. As a new wife, I often reach for this imaginative goal of perfection placed in my mind by some fake illusion that is not even relevant to my life. Chasing someone else's standard only to realize it is all futile energy. Solitude is not shutting people out. It is letting yourself in. The nurturing nature of a mother is selflessness. This coupled with the emotional makeup of women and the companionship of being a wife adds up to sometimes no room for yourself. But I learned that life should not be all about pouring out. It is also about taking in. No matter how long of a relationship you have been in, you need your solitude. Request it, carve out time for it. Demand it if you have to! 

Once my daughter came home that evening, I was prepared mentally for her. I wasn't super anxious that she had gotten home later than intended or that she hadn't eaten. I wasn't yelling or impatient at her tiredness masked by her grouchiness. I was consoling and understanding. Had I not had that time to myself, I'm sure the opposite would have occurred. Remember, to be alone is not to be lonely. I'm no longer afraid of my alone time...or my husband's :-)