6 Lessons from the First 6 Months of Marriage

Six months ago on May 17, I married my best friend. Since then, life has been a wonderful adjustment filled with unexpected turns and preparations for our immediate and long-term future. I tell people getting married was one the best decisions I ever made and I mean it. Partnering up with my husband balances me in ways I would have never discovered had I not met him and committed to living life with him. Even at a young age in our marriage, people ask me all the time about marriage advice. I admittedly feel unworthy because I'm such a rookie in the marriage game. My first response is that it's "fun and challenging." But upon reflecting this past week, I have come up with a few lessons I've learned in the first six months of this new life. 

1. Make time.

There are many obligations, priorities and opportunities that arise. Play dates with kids, brunch with girlfriends, time with your parents, projects at work. Many things and people are vying for your time and attention--as individuals and as a married couple. Perhaps there's another couple just waiting to do a double date with you and your spouse. Or, your friends are complaining they haven't seen you since your nuptials. Make time for those things. But more importantly make time for your spouse. It should be top priority.

For me, I became a single mother before I became a wife. Up until my daughter was 3 1/2, it was me and her. My life revolved around what was best for Trinity and how I could make her life better. When I got married, I had to change my thinking. Not only did I become a wife, I also became a step mom of two beautiful children. Now, my roles are different, new and always changing. And that's just me. My husband works 36 hours a week at his part-time, works to fulfill weekly 2-3 contracts for his small business and prepares for various performances every months as a musician, rapper and spoken word artist. We have to schedule time to make time!

2. Fight fair.

We are adults. When you get married you accept the responsibility of behaving like one. Maturity means listening without interrupting. And I mean really listening. Not the kind of listening where you wait for him to stop talking before you say what you want. I mean taking in his words, respecting his opinion and responding respectfully.

3. Life happens in seasons. 

When I first got married, my husband and I were both working full-time. Since then, I lost my job and instantly became a stay at home mom, honing my writing craft from the home office --which is anywhere the laptop lands. My husband has buffered this with landing additional contracts from his small business which sometimes means longer hours to his already long hours. This sometimes means long, draining days with just me and the kids which leaves me exhausted by 9 pm. At times, I'm sleep before he gets home. Frustration can creep in and the mishaps from the previous day land in my lap. But I've learned that days and times like this will not last forever. There are new opportunities on the horizon for both of  us and life changes. Remembering that this is just one season of many for us allows me to be a peace and walk through this season with wisdom and perspective.

4. Be honest.

Mainly with yourself. Were you not entirely comfortable with a decision he made? Speak up! Don't wait until later to tell him after the ramifications set in (good or bad). No person is a mind-reader. Don't assume he knows. Don't assume he "should know." No two people can come together without honest dialogue about feelings and expectations. He cannot know how you feel unless you tell. And he cannot meet your expectations unless you tell him what they are.

I'm still working on #4.

5. Communicate.

This ties in with the above point. Don't walk away or walk out. Did she say something that made you cringe. Stay and discuss.


This is hardest for me. I've lived a life of suppressed feelings. I am quick to shut down. Because I operate mainly off of emotion, I tend to need more time to process. I'm the one who needs 15 minutes or an hour lol. On the other hand, my husband is a communicator, lets-lay-it-all-down-right-now-and-work-it-out type. Our values and desires are the same but our methods are different. Overall, I'll admit, he's a better communicator (yep, I said it). This forces me to be better in how I communicate. It's a balance. There's a time and a place for both methods. Be open to both sides.

More often than not, we should be swift to reconcile things with our spouses and be quick to make life more productive. At the end of the day, my husband is my partner and wants the best for me as a woman and our family. 

6. Work to create the life you want.

Want to buy a house in two years? Set a budget, stick to it. Want to support your husband's creative ambitions? Don't criticize his plans. Help him strategize and execute. Is there a desire to eat better? Get online, talk to friends, get a grocery list and meal plan and stay with it! Living a fulfilled life takes work. It requires sacrifice and work. Did I mention it's WORK? My husband and I haven't perfected our budget, we don't stick to meal plans or grocery list. But the weeks we do, life for that week is smoother, with less stress and more peace. Preparation is key.

Let me be clear. My husband and I are by no-means, masters at the above. These are things we have learned, are learning and are learning to perfect. No marriage is perfect. If someone tells you that, they're lying and you should dismiss the advice that proceeds afterward. Marriage is fun and challenging, endearing and enlightening--an amazing journey of two lives committed to each other. Step wisely and carefully.

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Peace.